Category: Life on Yoga

Power of Control

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I often find myself frustrated over things that are not going my way, or the way I thought or expected it to. Some things are just taking too long, some people are just not cooperating, for some reason once again I feel like I’m stuck and whatever I try to do, I just can’t seem to change the current situation. I notice how I start feeling stressed and upset, impatient and start to be unkind not only towards others but also myself. Then it feels like the tip of my nose is almost reaching a very big wall (I’m saying almost because my belly touched the wall first LOL) and I can’t move past this wall, I can only move sideways. And I also do that for some time because maybe I will come across an opening.

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Rainbow love

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My boyfriend, (yes I have boyfriend now, I mean manfriend, since he’s not a boy anymore and I’m not a girl, so with that saying I’m his woman and yes I’m flaunting now, because why not, but right focus Sjefi! I haven’t shared much on my blog lately so I felt like I had to introduce him, but yeah I will continue this blog soon enough, as if right now)

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Home detour Voltzberg / Raleighvallen

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When I suddenly had to come back home after two years, I knew this was going to be a hard one. I was ready to come back home, but not so ready to actually be home. I knew that I had changed but maybe a lot of what I had left behind had stayed the same. I knew that even though quite impossible, I had to pick back up right where I left off. After a month I still felt restless, like I still hadn’t arrived, so I decided to book a trip to Voltzberg/Raleighvallen, because maybe I had to wash away the beach and the sea with Amazonian fresh water from a sula.

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Grieving 1 2 3

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I feel like I have spent the past seven years grieving. Grieving loved ones who have past away, grieving my unfertilized children I probably will never meet and grieving a life I left behind. And after seven years I’ve come to reach a point that maybe after this long, it has been long enough. I mean, I will for sure never forget the moments I have had with my late niece. By now I have let go of what life would be like if she was still with us. As she has been gone longer than she has been with us, I will always cherish the years we had with her. Forever little and full of faith. Grieving loved ones hasn’t been easy and I’m sure it will never be quite over. And maybe it’s okay like that. To remember them once in a while and honor the time they have spend with us. Think back with a tear and a smile.

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Red ink on yellow paper

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It all started around the same time last year. A mindful meditation upon a full moon. “Pen all your wishes with red ink on yellow paper,” one of my yogini sisters dared us to do, “and meditate upon it on the coming full moon. But be careful what you wish for, `cause you just might get it all and then some you don’t want.” And just like that the lyrics of Chris Daughtry, ‘I’m going home’ were stuck in my head. 
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I am love

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It was the last day of this wonderful journey within me I’d just taken. I was more nervous than ever to turn back home, to what was supposed to be the old and familiar. After sharing ten days of complete silence with total strangers, this environment felt more familiar and safe than the one I knew before this. I could feel my feelings bubbling up as the time to go home neared. Everyone was eager to go home so it seemed, except for me. But this was the real test! This was going to be the actual practice … In real life. Continue reading →

Polish and truths

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As I was in the midst of my yoga practice one evening, I observed the nailpolish on my fingernails which was long overdue. I always let this happen, I mean beautify my nails with some either pinkish of greenish nailpolish and just let it fade away. I already have really beautiful nails, but for some reason, I sometimes color my nails. Maybe just to brighten up myself or add some color to parts of my body. Continue reading →

Ugly lies and beautiful truths

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As I’ve been getting to know myself a little better and also allowing myself bits and pieces to be unconditionally me, I’ve noticed a trend. The more I show myself to the world, to the people I know, the people who thought knew me for the mask I’ve been wearing till so far, the smaller my circle gets. Continue reading →