I often find myself frustrated over things that are not going my way, or the way I thought or expected it to. Some things are just taking too long, some people are just not cooperating, for some reason once again I feel like I’m stuck and whatever I try to do, I just can’t seem to change the current situation. I notice how I start feeling stressed and upset, impatient and start to be unkind not only towards others but also myself. Then it feels like the tip of my nose is almost reaching a very big wall (I’m saying almost because my belly touched the wall first LOL) and I can’t move past this wall, I can only move sideways. And I also do that for some time because maybe I will come across an opening.

But no, I’m forced to turn my back against this wall I thought would have a door in it for me to go through. And I slowly see what I had turned my back against all this time while desperately trying to pass the wall. I see my whole life now in front of me, everything I had ever done, everything I had ever built, everyone in it and it quiets me how I would have missed being aware of this if it wasn’t for me not being able to control everything I thought I needed or wanted, even things that are out of my hand, a life, a path, not meant for me (yet).

I take some time to breathe and be mindful of the present moment, what my past has meant for my present. Am I really enjoying this present the past gave me or am I so busy running towards a future because in the past the presents were not always so nice. So maybe, just maybe, things are not going my way, because I have a present I’ve so long longed for and life is teaching me how to finally enjoy this moment, how to be mindful of it and grateful, to be patient and kind. On my way to my future I wanted to control things that were out of my hand, things I had no business of controlling. While all this time the only thing I had to control was already in me.