I feel like I have spent the past seven years grieving. Grieving loved ones who have past away, grieving my unfertilized children I probably will never meet and grieving a life I left behind. And after seven years I’ve come to reach a point that maybe after this long, it has been long enough. I mean, I will for sure never forget the moments I have had with my late niece. By now I have let go of what life would be like if she was still with us. As she has been gone longer than she has been with us, I will always cherish the years we had with her. Forever little and full of faith. Grieving loved ones hasn’t been easy and I’m sure it will never be quite over. And maybe it’s okay like that. To remember them once in a while and honor the time they have spend with us. Think back with a tear and a smile.

While grieving loved ones who have passed away, I was also grieving my dream babies I’ve never even met other than in my dreams. So how crazy does this sound? Grieving someone who has never been born. But as crazy as it sounds, as real does it feel. To let go something you thought you always wanted and then having it crushed out of your head without ever having experienced it. This one … sucks big time. I have been through hell and heaven just to get over this one and after this many years I’ve only come to accept, I might never get over it. But I will have to accept it and live with it for the rest of this life as life goes on and I cannot go on feeling as sad as I’ve been. Life is too beautiful to be sad all the time, right?

And of course to finish of with a bang, as a result of being depressed from grieving my unborn dream babies, I had left my half life long loving relationship. I never really openly shared about this one, maybe someday I will. But people do crazy things when sad and depressed and since I’m only human after all I did so too. Now that I have come to think of it, maybe not so crazy after all. And now I feel like I’m finally grieving the life I have left behind as it didn’t serve me anymore. It hurts a whole bunch a lot, but it feels good to cry about a life I once had but know that it’s time to move on. Today probably won’t be the last day, but today is the day I’m looking back with a smile and think “Wow, that happened and that never will. I’m happy it did and whatever didn’t, shouldn’t have. I won’t be sad anymore that it’s over, I won’t be sad anymore it never happened. I will accept and be happy that today, I am.”