I’m calling this my first date, because I have never been on a date with someone I’ve never met before. Sure I’ve been on dates with my ex boyfriend while we were in a committed relationship, but this dating someone I’ve never even met before was new to me, so yes, this will be my first date. I had met him on Facebook, cause what do you know, you can meet people on Facebook (I stopped doing that though). That day I was working a late night at the office when I got a friend request. I accepted based on his profile picture and the fact that he has worked for one of the companies I had once worked for. So, it turned out we had worked for the same company but not at the same time. After a nice chat, I got myself a date. How the hell that happened, I don’t even know anymore.

Of course I was really nervous, so I started sabotaging the first date we had arranged. I mean who goes swimming for a first date right? That doesn’t seem safe at all. What if he kidnaps me, yeah that was what I was really afraid of. Definitely not the fact that if you went swimming you’d be half naked. I kid you not! So we arranged for drinks, as I didn’t want to embarrass myself eating and I did love me a good pina colada. And of course I hadn’t thought of the fact that I’m a light head, but the universe solved that for me. We had to cancel that date because he had a work thing going on. So instead, finally we met for a nice dinner on a Friday night in a very comfortable public restaurant, so no danger.

Lipstick on, lipstick off, lipstick on, keep in on Sjefi, you look nice. Fuck this shit, this is not me, lipstick off, much comfortable this way. My red lips did look nice though, lipstick on. But what if it comes off when I drink, what if it gets on my teeth. Like how do these beautiful ladies keep their make up on? I can’t even survive fucking lipstick! Lipstick off …

“Iv, I’m here. I wanna pee. What do I do, I’m shaking too much.” Iv is somewhat ten years younger than I am and I’m calling him for dating advice. “Breathe Sjefi, breathe”, like I am telling him to do in yoga class, he is now telling me “get out of your car, say ‘Hi, I’m Sjefi. How are you?’ and just be yourself, that should do the trick”. In that moment I was thinking “Be myself? And who would that be?”. By now I almost know, I am me.

This first date of mine was quite handsome in real life, he had a beaming smile all the way through his eyes, a bald head, good looking, tall and confident. And his voice, his voice was like music in my ears. He loved to talk, which was handy since I was very nervous. But I didn’t pay attention to what he was talking about half of the conversation as I was mesmerized by the sound of his voice.

We had dinner, enjoyed a nice conversation. He actually complimented me on my nose, my lips and the whole area between my lips and nose, which was a first. And also the fact that I had no make up on. So yes, being myself, did do the trick. I also didn’t talk much, only answered questions. We ended the night with a side hug and no kiss. Which left me puzzled, because what does a side hug mean? Is that like being friend zoned or somewhat Mr.-Grey-I-only-like-to-be-touched-on-certain-body-parts-of-mine …