About two weeks ago I turned 29. And as always, days before my birthday I started to reflect on my life as to what is and what I had expected it to be. This year started out as no other, I was at first very disappointed as I looked around me. I had nothing that I had planned for myself at this age. I started to feel disgruntled cause I had no one else to blame but myself. There were a lot of things I could have done differently, but for some reason I did not choose to do that and now I feel the weight of my own expectations on my shoulders.

As next year is going to be the big 30, I realized that in my twenties I have felt like this every single year. Every year on my birthday even if it looked like I was enjoying my birthday, I was very disappointed with myself. And now when I was about to turn 29 I realized I didn’t nearly enjoy my twenties to the fullest. So I decided to make a turn in my emotions if only for once in my twenties. I wanted to live in this moment rather than plan years ahead or be gloomy about what I had planned for myself and did not achieve.

I realized that I could not be sad on my birthday because my mom was so what struggling to give me life on this day years ago. It wouldn’t be fair to her if I did not appreciate the life she literally gave me. My dad always tells me the story of the day I was born with light his eyes. You can really tell they were the happiest parents alive to be mine. And every time they just randomly look at me, a smile pops up their faces and I can still tell they’re happy I am me.

Thinking about how happy my parents are with their children, it almost felt like a little misery coming up wanting to be noticed. Because at 29 my long planned children were supposed to be 4 and 2. And as now this particular “plan” was not even set out for the future, my life at this age almost felt like a burden. As I sat there in my cabin one day before my birthday, I looked at the children’s artful wall (This is a wall in my cabin reserved for kids to hang the drawings they make while visiting me). I realized I had more children in my life than I expected, so I decided to upgrade their play corner with more paper and coloring stuff, since coloring is the best activity for kids under 10 ever!

I was also very hard on myself I still couldn’t figure out how to get my act together to just finish college. By now I was way over time, but for whatever reason I was not motivated to finish it. Again another reason to be disappointed with myself. Disappointments, disappointments started piling up. So lets just make the turn right now, cause if this goes on I wouldn’t know where to stop.

What I did do with my twenties I didn’t plan at all. I have a very exciting job, which I did not expect. I do like what I do daily for eight hours a day, even if I complain about it from time to time. I have friends with lots of different interests who inspire me more than I had expected and for some reason I cannot understand yet, I seem to be inspiring them too. The best thing about this journey though is the yoga. This was the one thing I never saw coming, let alone all that it has brought me. I never knew I was going to like writing blogs (for free) this much. And they say the best things in life are free. Explains why I decided to be happy and broke at almost 30!

So on my 29th birthday I didn’t buy any cake and this is clearly a must have for a 29 year old with so many cousins, nieces and nephews under 10. I expected two cakes and on that day I got four! Everybody sang to me, yes even the adults (Bee’s mom) did. The little ones (Jason) were documenting it on video. At 29 I did not have anything I had asked for, instead I had everything I did not expect. It’s our choice if we are going to complain about it or just enjoy the present which was gifted to you, cause well gifts are always wrapped in wrapping paper.